Our Monster Year - Jawbone Begins

Malice Concept Art by Isla Keyeski

This is the face of my fear.

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to tell stories. I have told stories, but they have failed to be my own. I've created videos for corporations, non-profits, small businesses, and they've been good videos. I've been proud of those videos... some of them, anyway.

They were never mine. They originated with me. They didn't completely fulfill me. They didn't completely scratch the creative itch. They were always briefed by a client, sold by an agency, or started by a friend.

Not this one. The result of a winter walk with my son as we discussed what he wanted to do when he grew up, and he turned the question back on his dear old dad. The answer was, "I want to make a movie."

After so many scripts, ideas, false starts, outside projects, and career paths that eventually ran their course, it was obvious that I really just want to make a movie and tell a story for the sake of telling a story. His response was the type of response I've come to rely on from him:

"We should make a movie, then. Because it will be an adventure and it will be fun."

So against all logic, against most good advice I've given and received, we are making a movie. And I am deathly afraid I lack the ability, I lack the creativity, and I lack the follow-through. How will I market it? How will I distribute it? How will I fund and film the damn thing? I'm afraid I'm crazy enough to start this thing but not crazy enough to finish. I'm afraid I'm stuck in the middle of crazy, daring, and doubting myself at every turn.

And I'm hopeful. Posting this picture on Facebook on January 1st of 2026 was a public declaration of an intent to finish. That alone is closer to the finish than I've ever been before.

I'm a realist. I've come to realize I am not blessed with boundless energy and self-belief. I am not without them either. I've come to realize I will ride the wave of enthusiasm and weather the trough of self-doubt. I've come to realize I must drive this project forward myself, but I must not do it alone. I'm a realist, and I realize I have a wonderful network of support. Rachel. Sam. Isla. Nick. They inspire and support when my energy and belief wane.

In Isla's case, she created for me the first concept art for The Malice. She left clandestine messages in the dirt and in chalk on the wall outside my window saying, "Fear the Malice."

I do. This is me facing my fear.

And I need help.